Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
