If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
