Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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