You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
