some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
