im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
