can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
