Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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