it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
