fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
