I didn't shave. On purpose
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
