I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You are the jesus of drinking
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
