alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
