everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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