the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
