friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
