We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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