I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
