i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
