i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
