you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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