I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
