omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
