Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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