he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
