If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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