If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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