how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
