I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
