HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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