if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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