11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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