Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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