I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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