Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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