I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
