can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
