it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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