saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
