He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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