Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
