You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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