Pappa wants mamma naked
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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