um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
