It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
