I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
