I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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