Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
