i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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