i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
