I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
