Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
