Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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