can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
