Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
