I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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