So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
