Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
