I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
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I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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