im six kinds of drunk right now
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
