My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
