"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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