Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
