sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
