God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
