I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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